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Dirty Jokes: Filthy Jokes That Will Make You Cover Your Eyes

Apr 19 2020 By Asbin Ghimire

Let us be real: life can be difficult. Also, to get you through the tough day, you need a touch of humor/joke. Although some of us have a slightly more twisted sense of humor than others, the best treatment for every worst thing is laughter.

Jokes
Laughter is the best medicine
Source: Quora

There are plenty of dirty jokes and dirty riddles on this hilariously offensive list, which is entirely inappropriate. Yet that’s what makes us, even more, enamored of them. Start practicing your poker face, because these dirty jokes and one-liners are certainly going to stick in your brain.

One Liner Dirty Jokes

Dirty jokes
One Liner Dirty Jokes
Source: NNX

1. Do you know the difference between a golf ball and a G-spot?

A guy is probably going to be looking for a golf ball.

2. Why was the guitar instructor arrested?

Well, he was fingering a minor.

3. What’s the difference between a tire and condoms used in 365 days?

One is a Goodyear while the other is a great year.

4. Do you know the reason behind ketch-up blush?

Just because it saw the salad dressing.

5. What did the elephant wonder about the naked man?

How can he breathe through such a small trunk?

6. What’s going in hard and dry and coming out soft and wet?

Ouch!!! Dirty minds, it’s Gum.

7. Why is Santa Claus carrying such a large sack?

Because he just comes once in a year.

8. What’s common between Rubik’s Cube and a penis?

The more you spend time playing with it; It keeps getting harder.

9. What is long and hard with full of seamen?

Tricky, right??? It’s a Submarine.

10. What do the Pussies and Mafia have in common?

One tongue slip, and you are in deep shit

11. What does one boob say to the other?

When we do not get help, people are going to think we’re nuts.

12. What banana feels about the vibrator?

She is going to eat me, and he is shivering

 13. How is masturbation similar to procrastination?

It’s all right before you know that you just screwed yourself.

14. What is the difference between a wife and a job?

Your job still sucks after five years.

15. Why are men blessed with the penis?

Just to shut a woman up at least once a day

16. Do you know the reason why women have orgasms?

Well, it’s just another reason to moan.

17. What’s in common with boobs and toys?

Although it’s made for babies, daddies end up playing with it.

You Might Be Interested In- Does Sex & Alcohol Make You Happier Than Having Kids & Religion?

Long Dirty Jokes

Long Dirty Jokes
Long Dirty Jokes
Source: Discover Magazine

Anniversary Joke

Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my anniversary. My husband didn’t wish me a happy anniversary. My family forgot, and so did my children. I went for a job and even they didn’t want me. As I entered my work, my boss said, “Happy anniversary!” I felt so special. He asked me out for dinner.

After dinner, he invited me to his room. We went there, and he said, “Do you mind if I go into the bathroom for change?” “Okay,” I said. He came out after 10 minutes later with an anniversary cake, my husband, my family, my children, my colleague all are yelling, “SURPRISE!!!” while I was waiting on the couch with a wide-open showing my naked body.

Chinese Girl Joke

I requested a number from a Chinese girl. She said, “Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!” I said, “Wow!” Her friend then said, “She means 666-3629.”

Maira and her Mother

Maria went home excited about how she won $20 by climbing a tree, telling her mom. Her mother replied, “Maria, they just wanted to see your panty!” Maria responded, “See Mom, I was clever. I took them off!”

Virgin Joke

John: Hey, smith. I bet you’re still a virgin.

Smith: Yes, it was real until last night.

John: What does that mean?

Smith: Yeah, just go and ask your sister.

John: Well, I don’t have any sister.

Smith: Ouch! You will be getting one in about nine months.

Innocent Jhonny Joke

A few months after the divorce of his parents, little Johnny walked by his mom’s bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, “I need a man, I need a man!” In the next several months, he saw her do this many times.

He came home from school one day and heard her moaning. He saw a guy on top of her as he peered into her bedroom. Little Johnny ran into his room, stripped off his clothes, threw himself onto his bed, started to stroke himself, and moaned, “God, I need a bike! I need a bike!”

The Man With The Cap Joke

A guy lies on the beach and wears nothing but a cap over his groin. A woman walking by remarks, “If you were gentlemen of any sort, you would raise your hat to a lady.” He responds, “If you were a beautiful lady of any kind, the hat would rise by itself.”

Monkey Hair Joke

A girl noticed she’d been developing hair between her thighs. She was concerned and asked about the nose with her mother. Her mother said calmly, That’s your monkey where the hair has grown. She told her sister at dinner, “My monkey has grown hair.” Her sister laughed and said, “That is nothing; mine is eating bananas already.”

A Trucker Joke

A truck driver who’s been out on the road for two months stops outside of Atlanta at a brothel. He goes straight up to the lady, drops $500 down, and says, “I want your ugliest girl and a grilled cheese sandwich!.” The lady with shock said, but sir, you could have one of my prettiest ladies and a 3-course meal for that kind of money. The trucker responded, saying, listen, darling, I’m not horny; I’m just homesick.

The Nun And A Child Joke

In a Sunday school lesson, a nun asked the kids about what they think God takes you by when you die. One of the kids responded in no time, saying, I believe God is taking you by your feet because once I walked into my parents’ room, and my mother’s feet were in the air. During the time, she was screaming, “Oh God!!!, I’m coming.”

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