Let us be real: life can be difficult. Also, to get you through the tough day, you need a touch of humor/joke. Although some of us have a slightly more twisted sense of humor than others, the best treatment for every worst thing is laughter.
There are plenty of dirty jokes and dirty riddles on this hilariously offensive list, which is entirely inappropriate. Yet that’s what makes us, even more, enamored of them. Start practicing your poker face, because these dirty jokes and one-liners are certainly going to stick in your brain.
A guy is probably going to be looking for a golf ball.
Well, he was fingering a minor.
One is a Goodyear while the other is a great year.
Just because it saw the salad dressing.
How can he breathe through such a small trunk?
Ouch!!! Dirty minds, it’s Gum.
Because he just comes once in a year.
The more you spend time playing with it; It keeps getting harder.
Tricky, right??? It’s a Submarine.
One tongue slip, and you are in deep shit
When we do not get help, people are going to think we’re nuts.
She is going to eat me, and he is shivering
It’s all right before you know that you just screwed yourself.
Your job still sucks after five years.
Just to shut a woman up at least once a day
Well, it’s just another reason to moan.
Although it’s made for babies, daddies end up playing with it.
Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my anniversary. My husband didn’t wish me a happy anniversary. My family forgot, and so did my children. I went for a job and even they didn’t want me. As I entered my work, my boss said, “Happy anniversary!” I felt so special. He asked me out for dinner.
After dinner, he invited me to his room. We went there, and he said, “Do you mind if I go into the bathroom for change?” “Okay,” I said. He came out after 10 minutes later with an anniversary cake, my husband, my family, my children, my colleague all are yelling, “SURPRISE!!!” while I was waiting on the couch with a wide-open showing my naked body.
I requested a number from a Chinese girl. She said, “Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!” I said, “Wow!” Her friend then said, “She means 666-3629.”
Maria went home excited about how she won $20 by climbing a tree, telling her mom. Her mother replied, “Maria, they just wanted to see your panty!” Maria responded, “See Mom, I was clever. I took them off!”
John: Hey, smith. I bet you’re still a virgin.
Smith: Yes, it was real until last night.
John: What does that mean?
Smith: Yeah, just go and ask your sister.
John: Well, I don’t have any sister.
Smith: Ouch! You will be getting one in about nine months.
A few months after the divorce of his parents, little Johnny walked by his mom’s bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, “I need a man, I need a man!” In the next several months, he saw her do this many times.
He came home from school one day and heard her moaning. He saw a guy on top of her as he peered into her bedroom. Little Johnny ran into his room, stripped off his clothes, threw himself onto his bed, started to stroke himself, and moaned, “God, I need a bike! I need a bike!”
A guy lies on the beach and wears nothing but a cap over his groin. A woman walking by remarks, “If you were gentlemen of any sort, you would raise your hat to a lady.” He responds, “If you were a beautiful lady of any kind, the hat would rise by itself.”
A girl noticed she’d been developing hair between her thighs. She was concerned and asked about the nose with her mother. Her mother said calmly, That’s your monkey where the hair has grown. She told her sister at dinner, “My monkey has grown hair.” Her sister laughed and said, “That is nothing; mine is eating bananas already.”
A truck driver who’s been out on the road for two months stops outside of Atlanta at a brothel. He goes straight up to the lady, drops $500 down, and says, “I want your ugliest girl and a grilled cheese sandwich!.” The lady with shock said, but sir, you could have one of my prettiest ladies and a 3-course meal for that kind of money. The trucker responded, saying, listen, darling, I’m not horny; I’m just homesick.
In a Sunday school lesson, a nun asked the kids about what they think God takes you by when you die. One of the kids responded in no time, saying, I believe God is taking you by your feet because once I walked into my parents’ room, and my mother’s feet were in the air. During the time, she was screaming, “Oh God!!!, I’m coming.”
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