Being in a relationship is as challenging as it is fun. While millions find their happily ever after, there are many people who are in unfulfilling relationships. There is a common dynamic of one partner always giving and another always taking. The taker usually declines or flees when they have to give some part of themself. The taker party is usually selfish and afraid or alarmed when it comes to giving up themself.
Feeling Inadequate of Selfish Lover
There is often a feeling of inadequacy in selfish lovers. They end up feeling ashamed with a deep feeling of inadequacy. They are internally still to cover up this shame.
Moreover, it drives the giver to keep on giving as a form of resuscitation as the taker feels dead. The giver feels reliving like a glimpse of a sign of life when the taker gives a little. However, this does not last for long.
Selfish Lovers are not loyal
They ofter hide when they are ashamed. The selfish lover feels out of control and threatened when they give something. As the reason for their shame will be revealed.
Furthermore, they hold their love very tight with the strong feeling to cover up all time. As giving it up makes them feel as sliding on ice. Love feels like a scarce resource for selfish ones.
The selfish lover starts to worry when they give up a little love. As the little they are connected will be gone. The reason behind it is they are often not self-connected are deeply intelligent on one faculty that remain undeveloped.
The result of being selfish is either to find an extraordinary giver or to have multiple relationships. This keeps them free from threat. Furthermore, the fear of learning in the later stage of life is their greatest obstruction.
It is as difficult as asking an adult to learn swimming. So, firstly you should recognize that they are easily threatened. Complaining about them to them can rarely work so far.
Things that can be done:
Talking in a usual way is not an option. You can find another place to invest love besides the lover can reduce your torture. Furthermore, you can recognize things and comfort your own pain.
As you need to develop yourself. The selfish one as well will respond with affection as they have their own emptiness. You need to differentiate between the need to resuscitate an actual love and an internally dead person.
Furthermore, focus on your strength when selfish lovers talks to you. As they are insecure, control your anger and pretend you are happy. Also, help them find things that can comfort their lives.
Leaving is always an option if fails. However, your addiction to them is likely to find another or turn them into one. Some connections may help you to make better choices in the future.
Furthermore, ask yourself that you live outside your comfort zone. The things that you are avoiding doing because of love. Also, a remedy to turn your loving energy into something that you get in return.