I want to extend my deepest gratitude to wikye.com for giving us a platform for our advocacy. Thank you for allowing our voices to be heard; for permitting us to express ourselves freely.
This is to spread awareness to everyone. Here’s a reminder for you: In this inhumane world, only kindness can save people.
I have been a victim of bullying way back then. I have encountered sorts of people who will bring you down, those who take delight in your failure as if your plight brings them bliss. I have been through a lot of things, especially in school. Then I asked myself, is school really our second home? Why can’t school protect us from our aggressors ? There were so many questions scribbling in my young mind. Everyday, I was involved in fights even if I didn’t want to. I had no choice but to fight back or else I would lose a part of me without even fighting for myself. After 3 horrendous years, I transferred to another school, that’s when I had the realization that bullying can kill someone.
As years passed by, I noticed, I have not been the same person that I used to be. They killed me- my character. I was a happy person; I loved people; I loved interacting with them but after those experiences love turned into hatred. My love for socializing and dealing with others were compromised. The satisfaction to meet new people had been slowly fading…then that satisfaction, had turned into fear. I have been broken by those unworthy people. One thing I have to apologize for myself: I let them to do this to me. Of course, there was a part of me who wanted to move forward and be happy again. And, I really thought it was that easy to go back to who I was- to be the same person who I used to be. A part of me has been wondering, what did I do to deserve this? Why are these things happening to me?
Since I have transferred to a new school, I saw the opportunity to build a new character for me; a fresh start, to be a different person. To give people an impression that they cannot just hurt me like what the others did to me. But then, the problem is…do I have the courage to be a strong figure? To be honest, it was really hard for me to adapt to my new environment. The paranoia and the anxiety are engulfing me. I don’t know what to expect, I don’t know what kind of people I might bear with. How can I be the person I wanted to be if I do not know what to expect of my environment and most especially, with myself. l have learned that it takes time to heal and to forgive. I cannot just rush things to go back like they used to be. I cannot just insist to myself that I am okay, I can do this- without even properly mourning what I went through; without fully understanding the situation; without fully grasping the idea that I was a victim of bullying. Then I realized, all I needed was time- more time for me to heal; more time for me to understand the things; more time for me to accept that it happened; more time for me to take in the fact that I was vulnerable. I am at this stage in my life, where I have started to accept and focus on my improvement; to be the person who I wanted to be, not the person who I used to be. To be the better version of yourself requires acceptance, improvement and most importantly, our experiences from failures that will drive you, that will motivate you to be the best person you can be.
All you have to do is to know yourself and your limits. If I ask you, would you like to experience your pain yesterday? Of course not, right? You know for sure, you like to deal with a more positive environment rather than what I have experienced…those dreadful experiences. I would recommend to forgive them but not to forget what they did and you should focus on yourself. But how would you move forward with those people who treated you like garbage? Here is the thing, if you focus on self-improvement or self-growth rather than your hatred, chances are you will appreciate yourself more than you will ever know. You will realize that you have come so far. You have gone through a lot of things. You have dealt with a lot of pain. Look at you, despite the given circumstances you have just proven that you are brave to conquer your fears; to conquer yourself. You have just stood up for someone who deserves more. You have just fought for the victim of this cruel world and that is the most wonderful deed you could ever do to yourself- to free yourself from yesterday’s pain.
It will always boil down to just a leap of faith. You would not know what will be the difference of yesterday, today and tomorrow if you wouldn’t give it a try. You would not know the how far you have come. You would not know how strong you are for dealing with these kinds of pain. You would not know how precious you are. Many people will invalidate you. Many people will judge you. Many people will not believe in you. But take these things; you are valid, your pain, your misery, your feelings. The essence of self-worth is your care for yourself, believing in yourself. Do not listen to other voices especially if they will just bring you harm, their opinions do not matter as long as you love yourself. And, always remember, you are not a trash; you are not pathetic; and you are not a loser for dealing with those things. I want you to take this to heart: You are special and you bring light to others before you realize it.