Humor

Jokes collection you won’t find on the internet!

Oct 19 2020 By Pratik Ghimire
Laughter Emoji!
Laughter Emoji!
Laughter Emoji!

Theories explain jokes or humor as a thing that someone says to cause amusement or laughter. Jokes especially contain a short story factor with a funny punchline.

Laugh is one of the most important factors in life. The laugh comes from a sense of humor with a lot of benefits. Being funny and humorous is the best thing to do for sound health. Laughter helps to kill depression and other mental discomforts. It improves the quality of life.

Studies and experiments have proved that a sense of humor provides better self-esteem, competency, and positive vibes. People with a sense of humor are socially interactive and enhancing along with good leadership skills. Jokes also teach us lessons apart from criticism of trolls.

Animal Jokes

1.

A dog is truly a man’s best friend.
If you don’t believe it, just try this experiment.
Lock your dog and your wife in the boot of the car for an hour.
When you open the boot, which one is really happy to see you?

2.

A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while.
“I can hardly believe my eyes!” he exclaimed. That’s the smartest dog I’ve ever seen.”
“Nah, he’s not so smart,” the friend replied. I’ve beaten him three games out of five.

3.

Deep within a forest, a little turtle began to climb a tree.
After hours of effort, he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs, and crashed to the ground.
After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts.
Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. “Dear,” she chirped, “I think it’s time to tell him he’s adopted.”

Cop Jokes

1.

A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
“You’ll get your chance in court.” said the Desk Sergeant.
“No, no!” said the man. “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I’ve been trying to do that for years!”

2.

A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he’s topping 100 mph. He eventually realizes he can’t escape and finally pulls over.
The cop approaches the car and says, “It’s been a long day and my tour is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behaviour, I’ll let you go.”
The guy thinks for a few seconds and then says, “My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago. I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back.”

3.

A client of a hospital where they made brain transplantation asked about the prices.
The doctor said, “Well, this PhD brain costs $10,000. This brain belonged to a NASA top scientist and costs $15,000. Here we have a policeman’s brain as well. It costs $50,000.
“The client asked, “What? How’s that possible?”
The doctor replied, “You see, it’s unused.”

Watch Stand-up Comedy!

Facebook Pun

1.

I want to make a Facebook account and the name will be “Nobody” so when I see stupid crap people post, I can like it.
And it will say “Nobody Likes This.”

2.

Why is Facebook like Jail?
“You have a profile picture, you sit around all day writing on walls, and you get poked by guys you don’t know!”

3.

Facebook is like a fridge.
Every a few minutes you keep opening and closing it to see if there’s anything good in it.

Life Jokes

1.

A guy walks into a bar, sits down, and has a drink.
Suddenly, a man hollers at him, “I screwed your mom last night!”
Disturbed, the man tries to ignore him. Again, he hears, “Your mom was good in bed last night!”
Again, he tries to ignore it.
The man is just about to speak again but the guy stops him and says, “Dad, go home, you’re drunk!

Jokes Laughter Emoji!
Laughter Emoji!

2.

A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it out at dinner one night.
The father asks his son what he did that afternoon.
The son says, “I did some homework.”
The robot slaps the son.
The son says, “Ok, ok, I was at a friend’s house watching movies.”
Dad asks, “What movie did you watch?”
Son says, “Toy Story.”
The robot slaps the son.
Son says, “Ok, ok, we were watching porn.”
Dad says, “What? At your age, I didn’t even know what porn was.”
The robot slaps the father.
Mom laughs and says, “Well, he certainly is your son.”
The robot slaps the mother. Robot for sale…

3.

A director’s wife hears that her husband has a new secretary.
The director comes home and the wife starts putting questions: Does this new secretary of yours have nice legs? – I don’t know.
What colour do her eyes have? – I didn’t notice…
But about dressing, how does she dress? – Very fast…

Also read: Science jokes: 10 best cheesy knee slappers

Sports Witticism

1.

Sarah was reading a newspaper while her husband was engrossed in a magazine. Suddenly, she burst out laughing.
“Listen to this,” she said. “There’s a classified ad here where a guy is offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium.”
“Hmmm!,” her husband said, not looking up from his magazine.
Teasing him, Sarah said, “Would you swap me for a season ticket?”
“Not, seasons more than half over!” he said.

2.

Billionaire Richard Branson has withdrawn from a sponsorship deal of Chesterfield Football Club.
He stated that he couldn’t have the name “VIRGIN” on the team’s shirts when they get fucked every week!

3.

Two-man playing golf was held up by two women playing in front of them.
One man said: “I’ll walk up to them and tell them to hurry up.”
When he returned he said: “I have a problem, one of the women is my wife and the other one is my mistress.”
The second man said: “I’ll walk up to them and hurry them up.”
He came back and said: “We both have the same problem.”

Here, I gathered 15 different category jokes quoting you won’t find on the internet while I surfed all over Google. I collected them from different sites and posted here from the internet, irony? Lame one hahaha!

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